The Bag Was Lost, But Now It’s Found

Part 1: Packing Tips From the Pros

My post today was originally going to be about the mini meat factory that borders our local canal, but I don’t have quite the right photo of the rutting piglets. Don’t worry – it’s coming, and you won’t be disappointed.

This two part series will examine items that are difficult to find in Thailand (when I say difficult to find, I mean existing outside a 2 mile radius of our apartment). This is a pertinent topic, because our airlines* managed to lose T’s bag. For nine days. We had pretty much given up hope that we’d ever see it again, but then a WestJet employee found it being used as a punching bag in the employees’ lounge at the Vancouver airport. The airline didn’t provide all these details, but I was able to fill them in using my highly developed powers of intuition. After nine days, our rejoicing was GREAT, because while this bag wasn’t carrying a lot of valuables, it did contain some Very Important Items.**

An item that is easy to find in Thailand: Angry Bird fish skewers.

Now, for some people this wouldn’t present a major problem. One of the teachers at the school mentioned that it would be a Good Idea to split up all your Very Important Items so that half are in one bag, and half in another. This would be a brilliant plan if it didn’t run directly counter to our highly refined system of packing. This is a system that took years to develop, but I will share it with you here for free:

Perfect Packing Plan

1)      Make piles of schtuff. Lots and lots of piles. The more piles, the better. Cover as much surface area as possible.

2)      Choose the number of bags that you want to take with you. Base this purely on the price of excess baggage, and cross-index it with your genetic tendency to cheapness. Do not reference the amount of schtuff you wish to bring.

3)      Begin stuffing. It’s best to do this randomly, without paying attention to what might be in your piles of schtuff. Close your eyes if you need to. If you have any delicate electronics, enlist your adorable and organized sister-in-law to help you stuff. This is the only way that these items will arrive in one piece.

4)      Continue stuffing. If you have leftovers, grab some stuff sacks, and stuff them. Stuff the stuff sacks in your bags.

5)      Wrap twine around any bags that look like they might explode.

6)      Throw any leftovers in a box and leave it at your parents’ house. It doesn’t matter what the leftovers are – who needs a birth certificate anyway? They had their chance.

We couldn’t fit our car in our bags. Good-bye, Matrix. You were like a mother to me.

7)      Haul bags to the airport. Pray. Weigh bags. Pray some more. Untie twine that is holding your bags together. Hold up line while you redistribute stuff so that you only have to pay for one overweight bag. Re-tie twine.

8)      Heave bags on conveyor belt and walk away.

Optional Final Step: Fly on in bliss as disgruntled airline employee “loses” your bag.

That is how our painful 9-day journey began. Feel free to use our packing tips, with or without the optional final step.

Todd is reunited with his bag.

Next up: Items that are “hard to find” in Thailand.

*WestJet and China Eastern – members of the Point-less Alliance: “We don’t offer points, but sometimes you’ll get your luggage.”

**Here I am referring to our entire supply of Knickers’n’Ginch.

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